[lug] unsubscribe me please

[Bill Thoen]

bof,

Tch, tch; Typical bureaucrat.... You've neatly omitted the procedure for
obtaining form UnSub-183-L. Beautifully satanic! Do you work for the DMV?

But don't be so quick to assume that the victim hasn't read the
instructions. Speaking as a list manager myself, I've run into all kinds of
problems that people have with spam blockers between their mail client and
the server or crazed IT admins who change their (the victims) e-mail
addresses without warning so that they can't even get their list account
password anymore, or even problems with perfectly good Irish names like
O'Doyle at somehwre.com that don't make it past some servers' front doors.
You'd be amazed at how non-computer friendly the real world is sometimes!
 
And if they really are just clueless and lazy, sometimes it's better to
just point or drop them out the door than to waste time trying to explain
what RTFM means in english when they're listening only in gibberish.

 

On Sun, Jan 01, 2006 at 03:40:07PM -0700, bof wrote:
> CEdwards wrote:
> 
> ><blank message>		
> > 
> >
> 
> The new Unsubscribe System mandates that each person who wishes to 
> unsubscribe from a list, fill out *in triplicate* a Form UnSub-183-L. 
> This *must* be done in hard copy.  This form is then mailed to the 
> Internet Unsubscription Bureau (IUB) in Tuscola, Illinois.
> 
> Upon receipt of Form UnSub-183-L, the IUB will then prepare Form 
> PU-876e, the "Petition for Unsubscription" which must then be mailed to 
> the ISUPC (Internet Subscription -- Unsubscription Profiling Center) in 
> Ludwig, Florida, which will conduct a thorough personal investigation of 
> The Candidate for Unsubscription, which usually takes 6 to 8 weeks; 
> unless there's a recount. The cost of this investigation, is usually 
> around $300 to $500, and it must be paid for by The Candidate for 
> Unsubscription, with the payment being sent to the (Internet Fee 
> Processing Center) IFPC in Detroit, Michigan. All payments must be made 
> in Krugerrands. No personal checks or credit cards are accepted.
> 
> If all goes well with the personal investigation, The Candidate will 
> receive Form STS-9387233, the Summons for Termination of Subscription 
> Hearing. These hearings are held in one of three regional Locations 
> throughout the country: Nome, Alaska -- Hilo, Hawaii -- and Key West, 
> Florida. However hearings held in Florida are subject to many, many 
> appeals so you might want to opt to have the jurisdiction moved to one 
> of the other locations. Your personal attendance at these hearings is 
> mandatory.
> 
> The Candidate for Unsubscription is advised to bring legal 
> representation with him or her to this hearing. A few people have 
> managed to successfully represent themselves all the way to a successful 
> unsubscription, but it's a rare occasion when they prevail without an 
> attorney to represent their interests.
> 
> At the hearing, a federal magistrate will hear the evidence and pleas 
> regarding the Petition for Unsubscription and make a decision as to 
> whether or not to proceed with the hearing or order a continuance until 
> additional information can be processed. If the Petition to unsubscribe 
> is found worthy of consideration a court date will be set, usually 
> within a six month period. Of course, The Candidate for Unsubscription 
> can expect a fairly rigorous cross-examination by the prosecutors. Many 
> searching, embarrassing questions will be asked which might include: "If 
> you could manage to scrape enough brain cells together to subscribe to a 
> list, what happened when you decided to unsubscribe?" "What the heck is 
> the matter with you?" or "Are you brain dead?" Then, of course, there's 
> the Big One, "Can't you read instructions?"
> 
> Depending on how the trial proceeds, many different things can happen, 
> including a mistrial or a hung jury, which will result in entering the 
> appeals process {and you know how the Florida appeals system works}, or 
> jailing and torture of The Candidate for Unsubscription in a South 
> American prison. These topics will be covered in a later edition of this 
> newsletter.
> 
> Or you could just go to and follow the instructions at the bottom of 
> this page
> 
> http://lists.lug.boulder.co.us/mailman/listinfo/lug
> 
> 
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