No subject

it humorous...
(flame away...)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Sat, 21 Dec 2002 15:08:33 -0700 (MST)
From: Chip Atkinson <chip at pupman.com>
To: chip at rmpg.org
Subject: Re: Listserv humor (fwd)



>--
>
>Message 1
>From: newbie at pupman.com
>
>I am thinking about making myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for
>lunch.
>Please advise.
>
>Message 2
>From: vpitempkin at pupman.com
>
>Peanut butter should be slowly stirred for 17 hours and 32 minutes, then
>evaporated
>to a specifc gravity of 92.7 exactly. After lightly sanding the surface of
>the
>bread with drywall sanding net, apply the peanut butter in three very thin
>layers
>to the upper surface of the bottom slice of bread and smooth with a 3 inch
>rubber spatula.
>Various applications of jelly and jam will yield different results. Contact
>me
>off list if you'd like me to send you the complete schematic for a hand
>designed
>peanut-butter stirrer, or a steam powered toaster designed to provide
>precise breadal
>alignment in the last few minutes of toasting. It's patently obvious that
>other methods of
>preparation produce an inferior sandwich.
>
>Message 3
>From: regular at pupman.com
>
>Peanut butter and Jelly is the only sandwich worth making. I have been
>living on
>PBJ for ten years now, with great success.
>
>Message 4
>From: PPA at pupman.com
>
>I can't imagine why anyone would voluntarily make a peanut butter and jelly
>sandwich. It's tiresome, irresponsible, and the end result is less
>attractive
>than the sardines with onions that real coilers prefer. Wake up and smell
>the
>sardines.
>
>Message 5
>From: whybother at pupman.com
>
>I buy the peanut butter and jelly already mixed together in the jar at
>Kroger. I
>don't know what it's made of, but it's good. You can also order them ready
>made
>from the deli, in a little styro box with a bag of chips, for $5 each.
>
>Message 6
>From: purist at pupman.com
>
>It doesn't matter what you put on the bread, as long as it has a workable
>bread
>body. You need to mix your own bread by hand, mixing the dry ingredients
>first
>(wear a flour mask). I have been making my own bread with my own recipes all
>my
>life, and today's sandwich makers have no idea what making a sandwich is all
>about.
>
>Message 7
>From: bythebox at pupman.com
>
>I got a bad loaf of Taystee bread, it was the honey oatmeal kind and it had
>big
>chunks of hard stuff all the way through. When I put it in the toaster,
>parts of
>it didn't toast at all and other parts caught fire. I called the 800 number
>and
>they said to send them some of the toast, but what do I do with the rest of
>this
>loaf of bread?
>
>Message 8
>From: vivelafrance at pupman.com
>
>Attached please find the MSDS data for peanut butter. Life threatening
>peanut
>allergies would require the use of an airtight kevlar suit, asbestos gloves
>and
>enclosed oxygen-tank breathing system. By no means should these substances
>be
>ingested, or breathed airborn particles.
>(Attachment)
>
>Message 9
>From: eurocoiler at pupman.com
>
>Can someone please explain to me what PBJ stands for? What is a Kroger?
>Please
>remember that the pupman list is an international list and not everyone
>lives in the
>continental US or speaks "American"...
>
>Message 10
>From: taysteebread at pupman.com
>
>I am writing to respond to a recent attack on my company. I want to remind
>sandwich makers that flour is a naturally grown product and might contain
>varying amounts of weevils, microscopic molds and other variations that are
>beyond our control. We recommend that buyers test a slice of bread before
>committing to an entire meal.
>The loaf in question was tested at the bakery and passed with flying colors.
>The
>fault was in the toasting methods of the individual buyer.
>
>Message 11
>From: McRantimator at pupman.com
>
>I'd like to see some of these so called peanut butter sandwiches of yours. I
>was
>making peanut butter sandwiches before you ever thought about making lunch,
>and
>they are way out of your league. Why don't you ask your rich daddy to hire
>you a
>cook to make your lunch? Be sure to wipe the peanut butter off your mouth
>before
>you go back to kissing up to the man. I'm going to go wash down my peanut
>butter
>with a red stripe or two.
>
>Message 12
>From: predictable at pupman.com
>
>I think this topic of peanut butter sandwiches has gone on long enough.
>Shouldn't the moderator do his job and stop posting this annoying drivel?
>
>Message 13
>From: coilgoddess at pupman.com
>
>Here are the jelly and jam tests for Pete's strawberry, Orange marmalade,
>Raspberry jam with and without seeds, Apricot Shino, and Grape purple on
>both
>white bread and whole wheat..
>(Attachment)
>
>Message 14
>From: moderator at pupman.com
>
>make the sandwich.
>
>make 100 of them, and you will begin to understand how a sandwich works.
>
>then make 100 more.
>
>it's lunch.
>
>Everyone has to eat.
>
>Message 15
>From: primalblather at pupman.com
>
>When I was a kid, my grandmother taught me to make jam from berries we
>picked in
>the woods behind the hunting cabin up north... now I pick berries with my
>little
>homeschooled children to mix in breastmilk yogurt and we make organic fruit
>juice sweetened jam and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
>blah
>blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
>blah
>blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
>blah...
>Yours, Kelly in the flatlands, where we'll have pbj today as soon as we drop
>off
>7 loaves of fresh whole wheat bread at the soup kitchens and blah blah blah
>blah
>blah....
>
>Message 16
>From: coilguru at pupman.com
>
>Coilgoddess, according to my calculations your blackberry recipe is a little
>too high in the proportion of sugar to pectin. It seems it would run off the
>sides of the sandwich, and might be unstable with an acidic bread such as
>sourdough buns. I'm sending a revised recipe that might give better results.
>(Attachment)
>
>Message 17
>From: fedup at pupman.com
>
>This subject has been covered on the pupman list exhaustively in the past.
>If you'd
>check the archives under "lunch options" you wouldn't have to waste
>everybody's
>time.
>
>Message 18
>From: Txjunkyard at pupman.com
>
>I have made servicable butter knives for spreading purposes out of road
>signs,
>cut out with a metal saw and filed to the appropriate shapes. I don't use a
>knife myself, having built a peanut butter extruder out of the shock
>absorbers
>of a 57 chevy truck. I have found that making toast is nicest if you use a
>wood
>fired toaster.
>
>Message 19
>From: TxRed at pupman.com
>
>Peanut butter and jelly is a fine sandwich. Go ahead and try it, and let us
>know
>how it turns out.
>
>Message 20
>From: mustlightenup at pupman.com
>
>I really don't think this is an appropriate conversation for a public forum.
>All
>this discussion of buns and kissing up seems completely unnecessary. What if
>a
>kindergarten class were to read the pupman list and find all this
>debauchery?
>Really, moderator, this has gone far enough.
>
>Message 20
>From: redherring at pupman.com
>
>The issue of sandwiches and lunchmaking is not as simple as it may sound.
>For
>some people, peanut butter is a deadly toxin; others with diabetes can not
>enjoy
>the jellies and jams you all seem to take for granted. It is high time we in
>this country recognize the plot on the part of the food industry to poison
>our
>planet and its inhabitants with dangerous and sub-standard nutritive
>substances,
>all in the name of marketing and the almighty dollar. When will the world
>wake
>up and recognize that sustainably harvested wheatgrass juice and non
>genetically
>modified soy products are the key to human survival in an increasingly
>hostile
>world?
>
>Message 21
>From: lostandfound at pupman.com
>
>I would like to join the pupman list please. I have a white computer with a
>grey keyboard, sitting on my kitchen counter in Podnik, Iowa. Please connect
>me
>to your discussion group.
>
>Message 22
>From: moderator at pupman.com
>
>peanut butter and jelly is done.
>
>time to move on.
>
>the moderator.